Day 36 - Life After 40

You know, last week it occurred to me that one subject I had completely ignored was how much my life has changed after I turned 40. And I'm not defining that statement by life events. I've certainly experienced a variety of those. No, I mean change from the inside, from my core.

When I was in my 20's, life flew by and now seems relatively blurry. I fell in love for the first time (unless you count the very first boy that I thought I loved in the 7th grade that I still dream about . . . I'll save that for another post), graduated from college, started my career, moved out on my own, met my husband and got into debt. All milestones to be sure, but the day to day detail is hard to recall.

My 30's yielded even bigger events: I advanced in my career, bought my first home, married my husband, became a stepmother, had a baby, lost my husband, bought my second home, along with a lot of other "things" that go along with children, and grew my debt. I learned how to manage being a single Mom, full time employee, and dedicated volunteer. I cruised through those ten years without much thought about the future. Day to day presented enough challenge to keep my mind occupied. Along with the challenges were equal or sometimes rivaling amounts, of joy and reward. I was happy and for the most part refused to have any regrets. That was very important to me back then; living without regret. (We'll save that for a future post as well)

My 40's have so far been more about reflection than advancement. That's not to say that I haven't advanced, but everything about me has changed. Some subtle changes, some not so subtle. Whoever said that "everything starts to fall apart after 40" was right. My body has changed dramatically (at least as far as I'm concerned; others who know me don't seem to notice), I can't remember anything unless I write it down, which is a total contrast to my youth, I could remember every detail of every conversation and debate both sides if necessary. Now my self deprecating joke is that I am the best person to keep a secret because I won't remember the information, much less who divulged the dirt. My 40's have definitely given me reason to pause. I'm not as physically strong or fit as I used to be. I don't have the stamina but still have the desire, which seems oddly unfair. I am tired all the time and I have way too many "irons in the fire," as my sweet Grandmother used to say. I worry about getting cancer or dying prematurely. I worry about my teenager, although he just feels oppressed. I feel more alone than I ever have in any other time in my life. And yet, I also feel a sense of peace and recognition that I HAVE come along way from that 21 year college graduate. The experiences I lived through and survived, have shaped this time. So, these last few hundred days before my next decade will hopefully help me to solidify my perspective. "It is what it is" and "Life is hard," but it sure beats the alternative.

I sincerely pray that the next 50 years are full of adventure, perhaps love and companionship, certainly living debt-free and healthy, and that I remember to take notes so I don't forget a moment. After all,  I AM BLESSED!

Be nTouch







One of my favorite books! I don't want to be the boy. Do you?