I'm 50!

It has been a good day! It's funny how I have been building up to today for 365 days so it's a little anti-climactic. To summarize, without boring the masses (masses? OMG) anyway . . . Tuesday conference calls were fine, lots and lots of Facebook birthday wishes, a few gifts from friends delivered unexpectantly, and then the scheduled lunch with my youngest. (His idea which made it so much better) Long story short, he started having diarhea after lunch after not feeling well since Sunday. Ugh! Can't catch a break. I feel so bad for him. So the afternoon was spent at the Pediatricians office ruling out the Flu and anything else that could possibly plague my sweet boy. Then it was home for sleep and soup. Next stop, Open House at the High School. Got to meet all of his teachers and make sure the baseball coach knew he wasn't just skipping workouts. Only to return home to a not so happy kid who was feeling worse than before. Ugh again. Bless his heart!

Now, I'm about to wrap this thing up. A lot more to share but it will have to be under a new title. I'm 50 afterall!

Be nTouch no matter what . . .

5 more hours . . .

Really! Wow it's finally almost here, seriously. 365 days ago I began this BLOG, thinking I would write something every day. I didn't accomplish that goal, but I did see it through till today. I don't have anything new to contribute tonight. I'm very grateful to be here typing, I'm very thankful that my youngest is driving safely and I look forward to what the next 50 years will bring. I'll write one more post tomorrow and then call it quits . . . nTouchb450 has been fun! Be safe and happy and live your life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Be nTouch one last time before 50!

4 More Days

Thank goodness it's Friday. WOW has this been a LONG, stressful week. No more complaining, I'm just glad I don't have work tomorrow.

A friend died on Wednesday. I didn't find out until today. He wasn't a close friend, but certainly someone I cared about and have known for years. He co-owned a jewelry store. I decided to put on several of the pieces that my parents or husband bought from him over the years. I'm wearing my watch that my Dad and I picked out when I was 21, the same watch that my parents added two emeralds to when I turned 30. I have the beautiful bracelet that my Mom picked out for my 40th birthday and a few rings I have collected over the years. All day I have thought about this man. He turned 63 last Thursday and died the following Wednesday. So sad!

Well, my youngest, who has only been driving by himself for 4 days, broke my number rule yesterday: he took one of his friends home from school. BIG NO NO!!!! Not going into the gory details . . . hope he learned a valuable lesson. He loses the car next time.

A friend is giving me a surprise birthday party tomorrow. Yea, that's right, I said a surprise party. Long story about how I found out . . . and even longer story about what I did when I found out . . . neither were very nice so let's just say I'll be pretending to be surprised tomorrow. YIKES!

That's all for today; have to go run an errand with my son. Friday night football jamboree at the high school tonight! Can't wait. Ha ha!

Be nTouch a few more times, hopefully! ;)

SIX MORE DAYS

In 6 more days, I'll have to rename this BLOG! Time has flown by these last several days, weeks and honestly, months. On Monday, just 2 days ago, I spent almost two hours at the local DMV with my youngest, in what became his first attempt to pass his drivers test. We went in to this experience with the usual nervous feelings and doubt that one might expect. What we didn't know, but will certainly share with anyone who wants to know, is that passing or not passing may have little to do with knowledge or ability. In my son's case, we are both relatively certain that the driving examiner decided, before he ever put the car in motion, that he was not going to pass. (Okay, if you have read any of my postings you know that I make every attempt to be fair, reasonable and open minded . . . I am not a person who quickly judges a behavior unless provoked to do so) Without reliving the meladrama, just suffice to say that this examiner was rude and disrespectful to me and my son. She tried to confuse him from the moment she sat in the car and then made him feel stupid by mocking him. He said he knew he had failed before they ever left the parking lot. When they returned, she called me to the car and replayed each detail of her experience with sarcasm and condesention. It wasn't enough that she had failed this young man; she had to rub his face in the experience. Ultimately, it proved to be a great life lesson. After tears and anger and a few slammed doors, we decided the best course was to return first thing the following morning to slay the dragon. And he did! He passed the second time and as he drove away from our house (after dropping me off) on his way to school, I was sick to my stomach. Happy for his accomplishment, sad for me. Another part of his childhood was gone for ever. Now, 24 hours later, I still feel that unsettled feeling of dread. I won't let it take over and I won't obsess, but my goodness it is hard letting him go . . .

So, as you can see, my focus, as usual, has not been on myself. I believe that is the real reason that I let this BLOG go. In the beginning, it was easy and exciting, but I realized pretty quickly, that very little of my day to day, week to week, is about me. Instead, it is about my children, mainly my youngest now, my family, my friends, the laundry and housework and yard work . . . and that is just the personal stuff. My job can be consuming, and not in a very positive or healthy way, as I have 8 individuals that depend on me to trouble shoot, solve problems, fix situations, etc. everyday of the week. Since I don't go to an office, all of the stress that goes along with my job hovers over me, in my home, like a dark cloud. So when my Mom, or my sister or a friend or co-worker, calls and I'm not effervescent, there is probably a good reason for it. I'm not complaining, but I do believe I have more than my fair share of responsibility every day. This BLOG has fallen by the wayside because there just aren't enough hours in the day!

The next few days will probably fly by and then I'll wake up to 50. Will I be any wiser, weaker, older? Who knows . . . but I know one thing is certain, I'll still have to do laundry, and housework and yard work, take care of 4 animals and go to work. The saying age is just a number, is probably right!

Be nTouch for SIX MORE DAYS!

13 days and counting . . .

Actually, that isn't exactly right. It is 13 days, but I really have lost count. As a matter of fact, I had to count backwards on the calendar, writing each day I had left down, so I could title this post. Sad that I didn't keep up with this better. Oh well, say la vee, or how ever it is spelled. No, the BIG countdown in our house is to this Saturday, the 13th! That is the big event . . . my youngest turns 16! Very, very hard to believe and more than a little scary. I'll be fine as long as he is fine, and safe, and careful . . . the list goes on and on . . . anyway, just wanted to take a couple of minutes to say Hi and apologize, again, for not doing a better job. Kind of silly to have this regret, but I do. Life goes on, right?

Be nTouch

21 - The countdown begins

It really is hard to believe that in 21 days, I will be beginning a new half century. I know that sounds rather dramatic, but it is my birthday! I wish I had known what I know now, when I was 25. I wish I had traveled more in my twenty's or nJoyed my summers more when I was in school. It is amazing that we always strive for something other than what we have. When, what we have, is probably perfectly good! Anyway, enough with the cereal-box philosophy. 


As I sit here, feeling a hot flash come on (which is fairly miserable) with my sweet little Bella sleeping peacefully, I realize how truly grateful I am. (plus it was a relatively short hot flash as hot flashes go) I hope and pray that the next 50 is full of love and joy and good health, happiness and prosperity, for all of my family, friends and me, and even those that I'm not all that friendly with . . . Live life! That's the best advice I can adhere to.


Be nTouch 

32 - WOW

Good morning!

WOW .  .  .  32 more days until the BIG 50! Hard to believe. It's been such a busy summer that the days have flown by.

Last week I traveled to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with my two oldest friends. (nGage Today's Dream Destination of the month) The plan was to celebrate our half century mark in style with a wonderful trip! Of course, I have 32 more days, one turned 50 in May and the other will turn 50 next July.  We had a fabulous time,  nJoying every moment once we arrived. Of course, getting there was an adventure .  .  .

I was the travel agent, appointing myself as the obvious choice. (I travel a lot with my job so I have the system down, or so I thought) I booked three tickets, months in advance, for the airport near Cabo called San Jose del Cabo. Since I fly Southwest all the time for work, I immediately chose them as the carrier. (I'm loyal to a fault, and this time it came back to bite me) Months of planning and preparation culminated in to that steamy afternoon and our journey to the airport. Every moment choreographed to the second (not really, but we did have fun getting ready) Imagine, three women (25 year olds, trapped in 50 year old bodies) with matching shirts that say "Group Therapy" with three different wine glasses in rhinestones, walking through the airport, finally on their way to paradise, and they discover that the travel agent  (ME) has booked them on a Southwest flight to San Jose California instead of San Jose del Cabo. (Did I mention that Southwest doesn't fly to Cabo, or anywhere outside the continental United States? NO, I didn't think so) Any who, there we are, destination San Jose California . . . NOT GOOD!

It would take me a couple of hours and several BLOG entries to detail the next 24 hours of the trip and we have decided to write a book, that will surely become a full length feature film, staring our wanna-be best friends, Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte, so I simply can't reveal that story-line now (breath). However, rest assured that it all turned out okay, as it usually does if you view your world as half full not empty, and we made a lot of people happy with our story along the way. Altruism at its best!

So, be sure to stay nTouch with all those dear old friends that you may not see or talk to but miss none the less. I grin every time I think about our adventure last week . . . Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Be nTouch

BB and Brenda - First drink at the resort

51 ( I think )

It's funny to me that I can lose track so easily! I do have a pretty good excuse this time. On Thursday night, our air conditioner stopped cooling. That means on Friday morning, our cool house was lukewarm . . . UGH! Holiday weekend and our air is out. So BLOGGING hasn't been on my schedule the last few days. However, before I got completely off track one more time, I thought I better sit down and add to this journey log. 


21 years ago, in a couple of hours, I met John Lerner, at my most favorite restaurant in the world, Highlands Bar and Grill. He was standing at the end of the bar, dressed in all black . . . the only guy without a suit on. I won't bore anyone reading with the details, but as they say the rest is history. That night truly changed my life, so I suppose, it contributed to this endeavor. I wish he was here to see who I have become. i think he would like me even more than he did that night at Highlands. And I sure wish he could see his children, especially Wyatt. They would be so great together!


Be nTouch

56

What a day! Started with baseball at 8 AM, back to back conference calls and the typical fires to put out each day . . . I'm sure glad it is 5:00. This is going to be short today . . . still have work to do.

In the south we have a saying: "You can't fix stupid." Now I consider myself pretty intelligent so does knowing that little tidbit, but still trying to fix stupid, make me stupid? Chew on that one for a while and let me know! Cause if it does, then I have lived one of my most stupid days ever!

Please be nTouch :)

57

Good morning! 

I've been thinking a lot about 50 . . . when I was a child I couldn't have imagined being 50; when I was a teenager, it never occurred to me that 50 wasn't that far away; when I turned 25 I thought I was old and would never be married . . . 25 seems like a long time ago. As a matter of fact, just recently I heard myself saying that I was a 25 year old trapped in an almost 50 year old body. WOW! 

Can we talk about this "body" thing? What happened to my arms and my chest? I know gravity is always pulling and tugging down, down, down, but come on. I guess the one good thing about being overweight is their is more to "plump" the sagging skin and muscles. I'm not overweight and don't want to be, but my goodness, I need a total body lift!

Okay, I know what you may be thinking, she stops BLOGGING and comes back sounding like an obsessed narcissist. Not so, but I am noticing new and not so great developments almost daily so it is on my mind. But you are probably right . . . enough about ME!

Life at almost 50 does have some perks. I do feel as though I have earned a place of wisdom and should nJoy the respect that follows. I have lived through hardships and happiness and truly do look forward to what's coming next, whatever that may be. Still buying lottery tickets, sure I'm going to win (cause someone wins so it might as well be me), still looking forward to watching my children have children (no any time soon), and still loving being creative whether it is through photography, art, writing, making bracelets or cooking. I guess all in all, life is good and I say a prayer of gratitude each morning for the new day ahead and the one I just experienced. I am fortunate in so many ways, 57 days before 50!


Be nTouch

Day - I have absolutely NO idea!

   Well, well, well . . . The last time I logged in was Day 265, May 15th. At least I can say that I haven't been sitting around eating bon bons . . . I have been extremely busy, which is actually NO excuse at all now that I see it in black and white because I have always been busy. I guess all I really have to say is I'm sorry and regret that I have allowed so much time to pass. This was, after all supposed to be a log of the journey of my 49th year. A chronicle of all that I thought and felt and experienced before I reached the half century mark. I started out strong but life got in my way, as I suppose it often does. It took my fellow BLOG-mate, nGage Allison, to reel me back in, get me focused and set me straight . . . nTouch  b450 must go on before I turn 50!

   So, I've changed the font, decided to not count up but instead count down (now that I am facing the final weeks) and get serious about this BLOGGING thing! Instead of Day whatever it is, I will now express how many days I have left . . . so today would be 58 days before the big 50. From now on, the title will just have a number.

   Before I forget, I did make what I am calling my "midlife crisis" purchase . . . a dog . . . not just any dog, and oh by the way, I am not one of those people that "buys" dogs or cats. No sir, not me . . . adoption has always been my only plan. I have not gone so far as to make fun of those folks who spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on pets, but I have admittedly tried to make a tiny statement about pet adoption. I have always had champion, thoroughbred, mutts and been happy with my choices. However, recently, in a very unlike me way, I decided to buy a tiny Yorkie. (You don't see many of those little guys at the Humane Society, and now, I understand why.) Not that I have altered my adoption philosophy altogether, but I have to admit that this tiny creature is pretty special. I guess I got what I paid for . . .

   Her name is Isabella, and she joined our little family two weeks ago. She weighs 2 lbs. (1.5 when I picked her up) and won't gain but 2 or 2 1/2 more lbs. in her lifetime. Think about that for a moment . . . less than a bag of sugar or a 5 pound weight. She is smart and cute as can be and I already love her dearly. What do the other animals think? Yes, remember, we have other animals! Lucy is a little bugged by her, but Lucy is the matriarch of our humble abode so her reaction is understandable. Peanut is, well Peanut is about as smart as a box of hair, God love her, so she just wants to play fetch with her . . . meaning, little Bella would be the item Peanut is fetching and tossing about! Not cool Peanut . . . And Lil bit the cat; I honestly don't think Lil bit has even noticed her. It is summertime and hunting season for our feline friend. She's much more interested in beheading birds and small rodents. (Yes the thought has crossed my mind, little Bella looks a bit like a bunny so she could easily be mistaken for a medium size rodent morsel . . . ignorance is still a good thing where Lil bit is concerned.)


   All in all, this experience of chronicling my last days in my 40's has been good! I have looked back at some of my earlier postings, as I would nCourage any newcomer to do. I have a lot to say if I do say so my self. As of today, I'm pledging to take the time to finish what I started here on August 22, 2010, the night before I turned 49. Tomorrow I'll tell you about my birthday trip, happening in 13 days! You'll have to tune in to read all about it.

   Okay, signing off for now. I think this is a respectable start-over attempt. Don't you? And this BLOG wouldn't be complete without a picture or two of Bella-boo . . .

Be nTouch 

Isabella with her koozie

                                                                         

Isabella

   

Day 265 - I'm back . . . Again :)

I know, who cares right? This BLOG has felt like an albatross around my neck. Sadly, I have let this project get away from me. No more promises (that I Dom't know if I can keep) I can say that I want to get back on track. Starting tomorrow, BLOGGING and exercise, here I come!

Be nTouch

Day 242 - Good Friday

Why do we call today Good Friday? I'm certainly not the biblical scholar I should be but why would we refer to one of he saddest days in human history as "Good Friday?". Crazy . . .

I know I haven't BLOGGED lately . . . For that I can safely say I have regret. When I set out on this journey it was my intention, before I really got started, to BLOG each and every day. I kept it up for a short while. Meanwhile, I'm really tired. I'm sorry but when I get to this point in my day, I just want you to shut everything down. I promise I'll try to revisit in th AM. For now . . .

Be nTouch!

Day 231 - Weird Weather Monday

This was a strange day. It started out somewhat emotional, slid by rather uneventful, then ended up with a scary encore of weird weather. We haven't had to go to the basement in years, but tonight, we headed down to safety. The small closet designated as our "safe place" is just big enough for an adult and a child. The only problem tonight . . . That small child isn't small any more and out weighs me, the adult, by 25 lbs. I guess we need a new tornado plan!

Be nTouch

Day 222 - Catching up . . .

What a day . . . okay, what exactly should that phrase mean? I know what I meant when I typed it but what should it have meant? No matter!

Today was busy but good! I know that probably seems so boring but BLOGGING today may be less than exciting. I'm not feeling funny or clever or particularly interesting. Actually, I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed at the moment. I travel to New Orleans tomorrow morning, very early, and I'm just winding down before bed. I so want to get back in the swing of things with this journey. It certainly hasn't turned out like I thought it would . . . just like life I guess.

Well, not much more to offer. Butler is going to the final NCAA game on Monday, my youngest doesn't like me, I'm tired and I'm ready to shut this down. Maybe tomorrow will be more nSpiring!

Be nTouch

Day 219 - Busy Days

Once again, I have not kept up as I intended. I have great excuses and sincere nTent . . . Hopefully this will help me get started again.

Yesterday was the 15 year remembrance of John's death. Somehow it still seems like yesterday. Today was totally saturated with stupidity from the JOB. And tonight, my precious boy and I aren't on the same page. I'm tense, he's frustrated, I'm almost 50, he's 15 . . . Need I say more. Ugh! Lord, please let tomorrow be a better day. I'm thinking, 153 million?? Sounds good to me!

Night all

Be nTouch . . .

Day 209 - I'm not 25 anymore . . .

I used to be able to handle some pretty physical labor: yard work, carpentry, household projects, but lately, I feel weak and wimpy! I worked in my backyard for several hours today. Now I feel like I've been hit by a Mac Truck! Unbelievable!!!
I know I shouldn't complain but oh my goodness I'm overwhelmed.

Off to bed. Night . . .

Be nTouch

Day 208 - Life in 2011

Barbie at 50!

Funny, funny email I just got from a friend:

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2011 WHEN . . .


1.   You accidentally enter your password on the microwave
2.   You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.   You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4.   You email the person who works at the desk next to you.
5.   Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have email addresses.
6.   You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you
      carry in the groceries.
7.   Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8.   Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of
      your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on the list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on the list.

And NOW you are LAUGHING OUT LOUD AT YOURSELF.

Go to http://ngagetoday.com/ngagetoday/Daily_Connect/Daily_Connect.html  for a HUGE Laugh!

Be nTouch and nJoy today!  : )

Day 207 - Hello World

I had such a nice day today! I worked a little and spent the rest of the day with my sister. She's been going through a pretty rough patch lately and I think today helped her a lot . . . heck, it helped me a lot!
It reminded me of what is truly important in this life we are all living, side by side . . . so does this song. It's by a terrific group called Lady Antebellum. The song is called Hello World. Stop for a few minutes and listen. See if it doesn't make you smile and want to hug someone you love!




Don't forget to Be nTouch . . .

Day 205 - Spring Break and Baseball!

Spring break came very early this year. Since my youngest is on the freshman baseball team at his high school, it's time to "pay his dues." I'm not sure he gets the phrase. Sadly, he has to practice and go to games this week with the Jr. Varsity, but ride the bench come game time. I think he's okay, but it is tough to sit through game after game watching kids you have no connection to. I guess I'm having to "pay dues" too!

On another note . . . the JOB is so bad that I feel like I'm swimming in a toxic, radioactive, cess pool. Every day gets worse; to the point it is almost funny, because I continue to think, how much worse can it really get? (not funny ha ha) More like unbelievable! We have this saying in the South: "you can't fix stupid" . . . That about sums this situation up. But I have 10 people working as representatives under me that I feel responsible for and stupid just makes all of our jobs harder!

nGage Today WILL be my salvation, God willing. I believe we can truly make a difference.
So . . .

Be nTouch!

Day 200 - Only 165 to go before the Big 50!

Friday night . . . Used to be all about what to wear, where to go, designated drivers, staying out too late . . . What did I do tonight? Made 5 bracelets, watched TV and couldn't wait to call it a day! It is amazing how much difference a decade (or two) makes.

Going to bed now. My youngest has two baseball games, my middle is coming home for them and I'm just being the proud Mom! Tomorrow also begins Spring Break, so perhaps I can get a little more ahead next week!

Be nTouch

Day 198 - Worst Mother Ever here . . .

The good news is . . .  no fights, no angry words, very peaceful tonight, thankfully! I think last night took a toll on both of us. Emotions are a scary thing when they aren't controlled.

Today was a better day. A little less stress, a little more reflection. Life is so hard sometimes. This year (2011 so far) has been really tough. Every day has presented one challenge after another. I know struggle builds character and "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger," but my goodness . . . how strong and how much character does one person really need?  A break is what I'm looking for. Just a few days; not looking to run a way from home, yet! A break . . . that's all. I'm grateful for all that I have and I take very little, if anything for granted, I'm just exhausted!

Be nTouch . . . please . . .

Day 197 - Motherhood

You would think that in all of the hundreds and thousands of years there have been Mothers, someone would have put together a manual. A real, step by step map for the journey that none of us are ever prepared for . . . my sweet boy, 15 years in the making, is sitting in his room, even as I type, despising me. It's a real "feel good" moment for me. NOT! Tonight ended up in one of our worst fights ever. (every worst fight ever, I think can't be beat, which scares me to death because tonight was for the record books!)

He isn't the only one to blame. Nope, I totally lost my cool; yelled, screamed, (no cussing thankfully) told him how incredibly selfish and self absorbed he is (which happens to be true, but my goodness, he's a healthy 15 year old . . . what was I thinking, right?) I wasn't thinking. Okay, so the pity party begins . . . Sometimes I get overwhelmed and stressed beyond my own abilities . . . sometimes I feel stretched past my limit and then I realize how alone I am and remember that there is no one there to take care of me . . . it is ALL up to me . . . okay, that's enough! Silly, I know . . . poor pitiful me!

Anyway, today is finally over, thank God, I'm heading to bed and praying that tomorrow, my sweet boy and I can make up and get past this yucky, yucky night.

Signing out . . . worst mother ever!

Be nTouch (if you dare)

Day 196 - Mondays

Mondays are hard. Seriously, maybe they wouldn't be as hard if we only worked four days a week and rested three. Think about it, if you worked Tuesday through Friday or Monday through Thursday, and had a three day weekend, every weekend, I truly think everyones mental health would be healthier! I know mine would be!

Enough for tonight. This is why I must BLOG early in the day.

Be nTouch

Day 195 - I'm Back . . .

WOW . . . I never meant to abandon this project! I know it looks like I have but I haven't. Life got in the way the last month. I got out of the habit and before I knew it, I wasn't thinking about sharing, just getting by.


I believe that is the lesson here . . . not that there must always be a lesson, but if you have read any of my postings, you know that I think there generally IS a LESSON.


. . . just getting by . . . with laundry and lunches and grocery shopping and dusting and vacuuming and cleaning and those are just the mundane, "have to do chores." Just getting by doing what must be done, what I want and need to get done. Sometimes, I let life get away from me and I forget, or lose site of the truth, that I truly want to live my life . . . that is why I started this BLOG. So, I'm back!

Spring is here!

    

Spring has sprung!

Speaking of sharing, I had lunch with a dear friend on Friday. I haven't seen her in a long time. I have known her for most of my life and yet we have never been the kind of friends that get together for lunch or talk on the phone or spend much time together at all. But she is dear to me! She is a woman who exemplifies the word authentic. I have always admired her for that trait and others, too many to mention. My friend is also the bravest person I know. She is the kind of person who thoughtfully expresses herself without malice and her conviction strikes a cord when she supports a cause or a philosophy. In August 2008, all of who she was (and still is) was tested. She is a gifted writer so I'll use her words to tell their story:


An excerpt from the family CaringBridge site . . .

After almost a month of persistent fevers and other vague symptoms, Geoffrey was taken to see an Infectious Diseases specialist at Children's Hospital. His mono tests, etc., were all negative, so a CT scan was done to look for an abcess or infection. The CT showed a mass in his liver. The CT did not show any problems anywhere else in his body. He was admitted to the hospital late that day, Wednesday, July 16.

On the 18th, the surgeons did an open biopsy and removed a sample of the mass for pathology tests and installed a port, or central line.

We came home on the 24th, and after about two weeks away from the hospital, he checked back into the hospital on August 11 in order to better manage his food, his fluids, and his red blood cell count. His tumor was growing faster than the doctors anticipated. As a result, the type of chemo he was receiving was changed when he was admitted to the hospital. Within days, the tumor broke through the wall of his liver and caused massive internal bleeding. There was nothing we could do. He died on August 16th.

No words can begin to describe how we feel. The light that made absolutely every day since May 24, 1999, a joy and an adventure has been extinguished. We'll search for a new purpose for living and hold onto the memories of our life with him. Thank you for your support and for the love that so many of you have shown.

My dear friend has endured what most of us never will, thankfully! She is a true inspiration and one that I will always cherish! Ironically, she would most likely be embarrassed by this attention. And she would be quick to point out that this terrible thing didn't just happen to her. Her husband, their families and her precious son's young friends and teachers and neighbors . . . he touched so many lives in his short nine years on earth. His story, their story, reminded me in a rather profound way, that my story is still being told and I must do a better job to tell it and live it. I can't afford to let life get in the way and just get by . . . each day is a gift. Thank you to my dear friend for reminding me of my path and my purpose.

Lenten Rose for Geoffrey

Be nTouch

Day 167 - Superbowl XLV (45)

I hate to admit this but I have enjoyed the Superbowl. Don't really care about either team but have pulled for the Packers cause I'm not a fan of Ben R........ (not even going to try to spell that one) Surprisingly, it has been a good game.

The commercials are always good. Tonight was no exception. Call me a mom but my favorite was the Darth Vader car commercial. I'll try to find it and post soon. Precious. I also liked the Lookup3:16 commercial. I know, not politically correct! I don't care. Great message, and for those who don't appreciate . . . I'll say a prayer!

Go Packers! Be nTouch

Day 165 - Go Red

Today marked a national movement called Go Red, sponsored by the American Heart Association. Part of the plan was for everyone to wear red. nGage Today has marked the day by the release of a new bracelet supporting the American Heart Association. Go to ngagetoday.com to check out all the nGage bracelets and the causes they support.

Be nTouch

Day 162 - Tuesday's used to be my favorite day . . .

Once upon a time, if you asked me which day of the week was my favorite, my answer would be Tuesday. Crazy I know! After all, Tuesday isn't the end of the week, it isn't the weekend, it isn't even the middle of the week. Why you ask . . . because in 1990, on a warm Tuesday evening, in Birmingham Alabama, I met the man I would end up marrying! So, for years, I romanticized Tuesdays. Convinced myself that all good things happened on Tuesdays. If you do the math, you realize there is a lot of time between today, Tuesday, February 1st and Tuesday, July 3rd, 1990. Let's see, that would be somewhere in the neighborhood of 1070 Tuesdays. I've never claimed to be a math person, so I may be off a Tuesday or two. But I would have to say that for the first five or six hundred Tuesdays's, I still considered it my most favorite day. Now, not so much. As a matter of fact, thanks to this job that is trying to suck the life out of me, Tuesday's have become a dreaded day of conference calls and confrontation. Oh, beloved Tuesday, how sorry I am that you have been tarnished . . .

I'm kidding, of course. Not about the change in my choice for favorite day of the week, but that I am sorry about it. It has been miserable for so long now that I suppose I'm used to it. I can only hope that one day, I can reclaim Tuesday as my number one! Until then, I guess I'm going with Friday. No mystery there. I can say, without hesitation, that July 3, 1990 remains my favorite Tuesday of all time! Thanks Johnny. I miss you.

Be nTouch

Day 159 - Sunny Saturday!

Good morning All!

Happy to be alive and well and warm. It is supposed to be 66 degrees today!

Have a great Saturday and Be nTouch!

Sunny Saturday

Day 158 - Twenty five years after the Challenger tragedy

I found the video below, archived by CNN. Here are the words US NEWS SOURCE used to describe this tragic event in our space history:

NASA’s most visible failure marks its 25th anniversary today. On January 28, 1986, the space shuttle Challenger exploded seventy-three seconds after its launch. A special ceremony is taking place at Kennedy Space Center to remember the seven astronauts – Commander Dick Scobee, pilot Michael J. Smith, mission specialist Ellison Onizuka, mission specialist Judy Resnik, mission specialist Ron McNair, payload specialist Gregory Jarvis and teacher Christa McAuliffe – who lost their lives on that fateful day.

NASA officials and family members of the deceased astronauts will gather in front of the Space Mirror Memorial to honor the seven crew members. June Scobee Rodgers, the widow of the Challenger’s commander will be speaking as a special guest.

Everything looked perfect on that beautiful blue morning at Kennedy Space Center for another space shuttle launch. For the first time, a teacher was accompanying a team of astronauts. NASA was looking for an educator, an ‘ordinary person’ who could teach while in orbit. 37-year-old social studies teacher Christa McAuliffe was selected from over 11,000 applicants to participate in the NASA Teacher in Space Project. She wrote in her application: “I cannot join the space program and restart my life as an astronaut, but this opportunity to connect my abilities as an educator with my interests in history and space is a unique opportunity to fulfill my early fantasies.” Her task was to conduct a number of experiments and teach two lessons from the Challenger.

CNN was the only network to broadcast the launch live. It took a while before CNN correspondent Tom Mintier realized a disaster was taking place in front of his eyes. The explosion ocurred due to a rubber ‘O-ring’ seal failing on one of the rocket boosters because of low temperatures. This failure caused a leak of very explosive gases.

Be nTouch

Day 157 - Peanut

I think our dog has Alzheimer's Disease. I mean absolutely NO disrespect to anyone suffering from this debilitating disease. But I honestly don't know what else to call the obvious disorder that has transformed our dog Peanut. OMG as Wyatt would say!

Look at that face, although it is thinner and younger than our girl is now . . . look at that face . . .

She can't remember anything we have taught or enforced. She has become a five year old puppy with no sense of right and wrong. She is certainly not nSync lately! Maybe she isn't getting enough fiber. Do they make Activia for dogs?

Be nTouch

Day 154 - God and the Universe

I'M FINALLY LISTENING!!!

Today, following yesterday's lesson, God and the Universe is speaking LOUD AND CLEAR . . . what am I doing, each and every day, in this dead-end, miserable, integrity-less (I know that isn't a word, bare with me please . . . ),  just plain WRONG, J O B ?????   What happened today?  Ironically, nothing unexpected or unusual; just more of the same nonsense that has been woven into the fabric of every day for the last few years, sadly!

Today, I decided, NO MORE! I will make my little company work. I will be successful. I will be able to pay my bills, provide for my child and continue to help my grownup children, and I will do all of these things without compromising myself anymore. I can't just quit this stupid job that current keeps us off the street, for all the obvious reasons someone doesn't just quit. But mark this day, January 24th, 2011 . . . TODAY is the turning point for something big!

Two weeks ago, we ordered Chinese. My fortune cookie said: "You will take a chance in the near future, and win." Imagine that . . .


Be nTouch

Day 153 - Cancer . . .

So,  I'm sitting in church this morning, nJoying the sound of all the children around me (our church is the most relaxed Episcopal church I have ever been to), proud that I have made it two Sundays in a row, feeling everything I feel when I sit in this welcoming old Nave, and it is time in the service for the Peace. Generally,  you stand at this point,  turn to your neighbor, family, friend or total stranger, reach out for their hand and say "Peace" or "Peace be with you" . . . hopefully you get the picture. So,  here I am, reveling in myself, and I turn to greet the parishioner behind me, only to find that one of my friends (at least I have always thought of her as a friend but we had not been in contact for a long time) is that parishioner and she quite obviously has cancer. Her head is covered with a decorative cloth (I'm sure it has a name), she is much thinner than the last time I saw her and she is smiling with a confidence and courage that is radiant. The first thing I say is "how are you?" in a ridiculously cheerful tone. UGH! She replies that she is okay with a kind of grace befitting this holy room. I turn back around feeling awkward and clumsy and sit down with a thud.

The rest of the service is a bit of a blur. I participated mindlessly, with all my years of practice getting me through. All I could see when I closed my eyes to pray, was Cindy's smiling face, under that wrap, that I don't know what to call (kind of bugging me now . . . ) Before communion, I turned around to ask if we could talk after the service. She graciously accepted.

I am ashamed, and grateful at the same time, that Cindy did her best to comfort me as she shared her saga with me. She was diagnosed last summer and had literally been battling through chemo and radiation. She showed me the angry radiation burn on her left collar bone and continued to try to lessen my anxiety as she revealed snapshots of the last six months. Her beautiful teenage daughter, Kate, stood silent, but smiling, in tow. She listened patiently and nodded or smiled when I would glance in her direction. All in all, the conversation only lasted a few minutes. We said our goodbyes, made promises to see each other and stay in contact (Promises I nTend to keep!) and I left. As today has progressed, I can't stop thinking of either of them, standing there in that peaceful place. We were surrounded by Gods love. I still feel it.

I plan to reach out in a few days with a note to both and perhaps some nGage bracelets. I am once again reminded that this journey is full of messages and lessons of loss and love, of pain and purpose. I have not been nTouch with Cindy. I have not been the kind of friend I think I usually am. I did not notice that someone I know, that lives a few blocks away, was fighting for her life. This isn't about me . . . it is about what I choose to do each and every day. It is about why I started this BLOG. I'm grateful for the reminder.

Be nTouch EVERYDAY!

Thinking Pink for Cindy

Day 152 - Finally getting caught up . . . who am I kidding?

When I was in my 20's, all I had to do on Saturday mornings was wake up. It didn't matter what time. I would make my coffee, piddle around my apartment, make a list of things I needed to do (always short . . . clean my spotless, not cluttered, tiny space I called home) and relax. Yes, relax. I used to know how to just do nothing once upon a time. When did that skill set evaporate? Was it in my 30's, when I got married, had children, adopted animals? I'm not entirely sure, I just know it is gone. My hope is that I will realize, just like Dorothy did, that it is still somewhere within, I just have to find it, remember how, focus on what it used to be like. Clearly, today isn't The Day!

Don't misunderstand. I have no serious regrets. My life is largely how I would have chosen it (minus losing my husband of course). But I long to get caught up, to have NO more lingering items that get bumped further down the list, that is already so long that I need a new notebook. That would be a dream come true. That is what I would wish for if I had a Genie appear this very moment: "Finish ALL outstanding projects, cross off every item on The List!" Then, it would be up to me to not let myself fall behind . . . that, of course, is the problem . . . ME! Oh well, there you have it; somehow owning it doesn't make me feel much better.

Now that I am approaching the BIG 50, I would like to think I could, at the very least, create a system to help me manage being behind. So, nTouch fans (yes, there are a couple of you out there) I promise to figure something realistic out, sometime in the next 213 days. Starting today . . .

Just love this picture of the Lonely Tree
No clutter there . . .

Be nTouch

Day 144 - Done with the cold . . .

I live in Alabama for a reason. I HATE to be cold. A little snow, no school, sleep in . . . that's all good! But 15 degrees, are you kidding me. That is ridiculous. I'll take the heat over this any day. Today was the first day in a week that the temperature has risen above 32 degrees. Crazy arctic blast has me longing for the beach.

Be nTouch and stay WARM . . . Brrrrrrr

Day 141 - All In

All in . . . The Auburn family is ALL IN. Last night the AU football team made history. National champions for the first time in 53 years. All In . . . I'm sure proud to be an Auburn Tiger!

Day 140 - War Eagle

Congratulations Auburn Tigers on your BCS National Championship!
War Damn Eagle

Be nTouch!!!