Day 219 - Busy Days

Once again, I have not kept up as I intended. I have great excuses and sincere nTent . . . Hopefully this will help me get started again.

Yesterday was the 15 year remembrance of John's death. Somehow it still seems like yesterday. Today was totally saturated with stupidity from the JOB. And tonight, my precious boy and I aren't on the same page. I'm tense, he's frustrated, I'm almost 50, he's 15 . . . Need I say more. Ugh! Lord, please let tomorrow be a better day. I'm thinking, 153 million?? Sounds good to me!

Night all

Be nTouch . . .

Day 209 - I'm not 25 anymore . . .

I used to be able to handle some pretty physical labor: yard work, carpentry, household projects, but lately, I feel weak and wimpy! I worked in my backyard for several hours today. Now I feel like I've been hit by a Mac Truck! Unbelievable!!!
I know I shouldn't complain but oh my goodness I'm overwhelmed.

Off to bed. Night . . .

Be nTouch

Day 208 - Life in 2011

Barbie at 50!

Funny, funny email I just got from a friend:

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2011 WHEN . . .


1.   You accidentally enter your password on the microwave
2.   You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.   You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4.   You email the person who works at the desk next to you.
5.   Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have email addresses.
6.   You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you
      carry in the groceries.
7.   Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8.   Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of
      your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on the list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on the list.

And NOW you are LAUGHING OUT LOUD AT YOURSELF.

Go to http://ngagetoday.com/ngagetoday/Daily_Connect/Daily_Connect.html  for a HUGE Laugh!

Be nTouch and nJoy today!  : )

Day 207 - Hello World

I had such a nice day today! I worked a little and spent the rest of the day with my sister. She's been going through a pretty rough patch lately and I think today helped her a lot . . . heck, it helped me a lot!
It reminded me of what is truly important in this life we are all living, side by side . . . so does this song. It's by a terrific group called Lady Antebellum. The song is called Hello World. Stop for a few minutes and listen. See if it doesn't make you smile and want to hug someone you love!




Don't forget to Be nTouch . . .

Day 205 - Spring Break and Baseball!

Spring break came very early this year. Since my youngest is on the freshman baseball team at his high school, it's time to "pay his dues." I'm not sure he gets the phrase. Sadly, he has to practice and go to games this week with the Jr. Varsity, but ride the bench come game time. I think he's okay, but it is tough to sit through game after game watching kids you have no connection to. I guess I'm having to "pay dues" too!

On another note . . . the JOB is so bad that I feel like I'm swimming in a toxic, radioactive, cess pool. Every day gets worse; to the point it is almost funny, because I continue to think, how much worse can it really get? (not funny ha ha) More like unbelievable! We have this saying in the South: "you can't fix stupid" . . . That about sums this situation up. But I have 10 people working as representatives under me that I feel responsible for and stupid just makes all of our jobs harder!

nGage Today WILL be my salvation, God willing. I believe we can truly make a difference.
So . . .

Be nTouch!

Day 200 - Only 165 to go before the Big 50!

Friday night . . . Used to be all about what to wear, where to go, designated drivers, staying out too late . . . What did I do tonight? Made 5 bracelets, watched TV and couldn't wait to call it a day! It is amazing how much difference a decade (or two) makes.

Going to bed now. My youngest has two baseball games, my middle is coming home for them and I'm just being the proud Mom! Tomorrow also begins Spring Break, so perhaps I can get a little more ahead next week!

Be nTouch

Day 198 - Worst Mother Ever here . . .

The good news is . . .  no fights, no angry words, very peaceful tonight, thankfully! I think last night took a toll on both of us. Emotions are a scary thing when they aren't controlled.

Today was a better day. A little less stress, a little more reflection. Life is so hard sometimes. This year (2011 so far) has been really tough. Every day has presented one challenge after another. I know struggle builds character and "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger," but my goodness . . . how strong and how much character does one person really need?  A break is what I'm looking for. Just a few days; not looking to run a way from home, yet! A break . . . that's all. I'm grateful for all that I have and I take very little, if anything for granted, I'm just exhausted!

Be nTouch . . . please . . .

Day 197 - Motherhood

You would think that in all of the hundreds and thousands of years there have been Mothers, someone would have put together a manual. A real, step by step map for the journey that none of us are ever prepared for . . . my sweet boy, 15 years in the making, is sitting in his room, even as I type, despising me. It's a real "feel good" moment for me. NOT! Tonight ended up in one of our worst fights ever. (every worst fight ever, I think can't be beat, which scares me to death because tonight was for the record books!)

He isn't the only one to blame. Nope, I totally lost my cool; yelled, screamed, (no cussing thankfully) told him how incredibly selfish and self absorbed he is (which happens to be true, but my goodness, he's a healthy 15 year old . . . what was I thinking, right?) I wasn't thinking. Okay, so the pity party begins . . . Sometimes I get overwhelmed and stressed beyond my own abilities . . . sometimes I feel stretched past my limit and then I realize how alone I am and remember that there is no one there to take care of me . . . it is ALL up to me . . . okay, that's enough! Silly, I know . . . poor pitiful me!

Anyway, today is finally over, thank God, I'm heading to bed and praying that tomorrow, my sweet boy and I can make up and get past this yucky, yucky night.

Signing out . . . worst mother ever!

Be nTouch (if you dare)

Day 196 - Mondays

Mondays are hard. Seriously, maybe they wouldn't be as hard if we only worked four days a week and rested three. Think about it, if you worked Tuesday through Friday or Monday through Thursday, and had a three day weekend, every weekend, I truly think everyones mental health would be healthier! I know mine would be!

Enough for tonight. This is why I must BLOG early in the day.

Be nTouch

Day 195 - I'm Back . . .

WOW . . . I never meant to abandon this project! I know it looks like I have but I haven't. Life got in the way the last month. I got out of the habit and before I knew it, I wasn't thinking about sharing, just getting by.


I believe that is the lesson here . . . not that there must always be a lesson, but if you have read any of my postings, you know that I think there generally IS a LESSON.


. . . just getting by . . . with laundry and lunches and grocery shopping and dusting and vacuuming and cleaning and those are just the mundane, "have to do chores." Just getting by doing what must be done, what I want and need to get done. Sometimes, I let life get away from me and I forget, or lose site of the truth, that I truly want to live my life . . . that is why I started this BLOG. So, I'm back!

Spring is here!

    

Spring has sprung!

Speaking of sharing, I had lunch with a dear friend on Friday. I haven't seen her in a long time. I have known her for most of my life and yet we have never been the kind of friends that get together for lunch or talk on the phone or spend much time together at all. But she is dear to me! She is a woman who exemplifies the word authentic. I have always admired her for that trait and others, too many to mention. My friend is also the bravest person I know. She is the kind of person who thoughtfully expresses herself without malice and her conviction strikes a cord when she supports a cause or a philosophy. In August 2008, all of who she was (and still is) was tested. She is a gifted writer so I'll use her words to tell their story:


An excerpt from the family CaringBridge site . . .

After almost a month of persistent fevers and other vague symptoms, Geoffrey was taken to see an Infectious Diseases specialist at Children's Hospital. His mono tests, etc., were all negative, so a CT scan was done to look for an abcess or infection. The CT showed a mass in his liver. The CT did not show any problems anywhere else in his body. He was admitted to the hospital late that day, Wednesday, July 16.

On the 18th, the surgeons did an open biopsy and removed a sample of the mass for pathology tests and installed a port, or central line.

We came home on the 24th, and after about two weeks away from the hospital, he checked back into the hospital on August 11 in order to better manage his food, his fluids, and his red blood cell count. His tumor was growing faster than the doctors anticipated. As a result, the type of chemo he was receiving was changed when he was admitted to the hospital. Within days, the tumor broke through the wall of his liver and caused massive internal bleeding. There was nothing we could do. He died on August 16th.

No words can begin to describe how we feel. The light that made absolutely every day since May 24, 1999, a joy and an adventure has been extinguished. We'll search for a new purpose for living and hold onto the memories of our life with him. Thank you for your support and for the love that so many of you have shown.

My dear friend has endured what most of us never will, thankfully! She is a true inspiration and one that I will always cherish! Ironically, she would most likely be embarrassed by this attention. And she would be quick to point out that this terrible thing didn't just happen to her. Her husband, their families and her precious son's young friends and teachers and neighbors . . . he touched so many lives in his short nine years on earth. His story, their story, reminded me in a rather profound way, that my story is still being told and I must do a better job to tell it and live it. I can't afford to let life get in the way and just get by . . . each day is a gift. Thank you to my dear friend for reminding me of my path and my purpose.

Lenten Rose for Geoffrey

Be nTouch